Party Of One
5-tips on how to get the most out of your alone time.
Our mouths are on the floor and not in a good way because our research has shown that 75% of women cannot achieve orgasm from penetrative sex alone (compared to 2% for men), and around 1 in 10 have never achieved an orgasm in their lives.* Here at TFC, we want to do all we can to change that, and not just through a selection of brilliant sex toys.
As it’s clear that many women (and those who are gender non-conforming) are not satisfied customers, we have pulled together a guide with some helpful tips to help you cum when you are solo.
1. Embrace it
There is an undeniable stigma around female self-pleasure. Toxic aspects of our culture which perpetuate “slut-shaming” have created a sense of taboo which can negatively impact how we feel about our bodies. The reality is that self love is totally healthy, and not just this - masturbating can also have positive impacts on both your mental and physical wellbeing.
So, as a first step it’s important to tune out all the external noise, listen to your body and do what feels right for you.
2. Set the mood
Some very lucky women (the Samantha Jones’) can cum anytime and anywhere. But for many it is something private and personal. If that’s you, one helpful tip is to create your “Happy Place” by creating an environment where you feel calm and relaxed. This will look different to everyone but some things to start with could be cleaning your room, lighting a candle, playing music, dimming the lights and of course, locking the door. By setting the scene you are taking out the tensions and stresses which hinder your ability to get into the frame of mind required to reach orgasm. So give it a try and create a routine out of it, the results may be a pleasant surprise.
3. Take the pressure off
So often sex and musturbation are treated as a binary where everything hinges on whether or not you orgasm and this can add a lot of pressure. Once the self doubt sets in and you start overthinking it, the moment is gone. So when you are playing solo rewrite the rules. Re-frame your alone time as time to explore your body, in the same way you would if you were practising meditation. Taking this approach will help you get into the kind of relaxed, calm mindset which is most conducive to enabling your body to orgasm. It’s easier said than done, but with a bit of practice you will find that this change of mindset will make a big difference.
4. Hit the sweet spot
I’m sure most people reading this have been with partners who are more likely to win the lottery than find your clitoris. But between 70-80% of women prefer cumming via clit stimulation compared to G-spot and anal orgasms, so it makes sense to give it some attention.
To find your own winning formula you need to experiment to find what works for your body. This can include new positions such as lying on your front or trying different rubbing motions and speeds. If you want a great place to find more detail on things to try, check out O-School who have some fab content. But so much of this is a journey of self discovery, so spend some time exploring your clit and your toes will be curling in no time.
5. Toy story
We promise this isn’t a shameless plug for Wally. But new technology and a better understanding of female sexuality has given rise to a new generation of high-quality toys. With so many options, the right toy can be intimidating, so do your research, speak to friends and find a brand which aligns with your values. If you own a collection you have likely already seen the light, but for those without it, we promise as soon as you have tried it you will wonder why it took so long to join the party. Although Au Natural is great, fingers have a hard time competing with a high-quality toy. The direct power and targeted stimulation will get your blood pumping and take your orgasms to a whole new level. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
*It’s important to note that sex positivity is about choice, and many people opt not to achieve orgasm due to factors such as trauma, sexuality and personal preference, and that’s totally ok.